Yes, it matters who files first in a divorce. The petitioner gets more time at trial and gets to open and close and that is an important advantage. The rest of your questions are really too complicated for that website here please go in for a consultation.
You can also consider contacting the clerk's office at your local family law courthouse, and inquiring as to whether there's been anything filed under your name or his. That would be one sure way to verify whether he has in fact filed for divorce as yet, or not.
It does not make any difference who files first. What matters, in a long term marriage such as yours, is making sure that your economic future is protected.
New York allows for both no-fault and fault-based divorces; divorce can be contested or uncontested, and the process can go through litigation or stay out of court. This may cause some to wonder, “Does it matter who files for divorce first in NY?” There is no direct legal benefit to filing first.
New York's equitable distribution law specifies that you are entitled to a division of all “marital property” assets that were acquired during the marriage. With few exceptions, marital property generally includes both spouses' income, purchases made with that income, and retirement benefits.
In New York, if a marriage lasts a long time and a spouse is old, ill or unable to support themselves, permanent alimony may be awarded.
Length of the marriage — a longer marriage can mean a greater award, particularly if the receiving spouse stayed at home and raised the children. Age and health of both parties — if a receiving spouse is in poor health or of advanced age, the award can be affected. Present and future earning capacity of both parties.
In New York, if a marriage lasts a long time and a spouse is old, ill or unable to support themselves, permanent alimony may be awarded.
Prove your spouse is cohabiting with someone else: If you can prove that your spouse is living with someone else, you may be able to get out of paying spousal support altogether. Likewise, if you can show that your spouse can earn a reasonable living, you may be able to have your alimony payments reduced or eliminated.
New York Spousal support rules do take into account spouses who are not in the workforce full-time at the time of the divorce. Typically, they are not expected to get a job right away but neither can they refuse to work full-time and simply receive spousal support for years.