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The first step to filing for full custody after a divorce in Virginia is to file a petition with the Court Services Unit of the Juvenile and Domestic Relations Court in the jurisdiction where the parent and child reside. You must petition the court for amendments if there is an existing court order.
Unless you submit a fee waiver request, you'll pay $25. Petitions and motions filed later require an additional $25 each. You may encounter other fees, depending on your court and the paperwork you're filing.
Unless the situation involves serious emotional, physical or sexual abuse, then most likely both parents will have equal (or close to equal) rights. In many cases, the more the parents fight, the more likely that they will be awarded shared custody.
So, no court order, no problem! You both have equal rights to child custody. This is, under Virginia Code, joint custody.
You'll need to pay the court clerk $150 to open your case. If you can't afford it, submit a Petition to Proceed as an Indigent to ask the court to waive the charges. When the clerk gives you a file number, write it on your forms from Step 1 (the originals as well as the copies) and hand them all to the clerk.