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Simply contacting the church and asking them to remove you from their member list is all you should have to do. It's not a dire need but just a tidying up for them. Some people treat it like a matter of faith, but it really isn't that. It's a reality of operating as a charitable organization.
Excommunication is an institutional act of religious censure used to deprive, suspend, or limit membership in a religious community or to restrict certain rights within it, in particular those of being in communion with other members of the congregation, and of receiving the sacraments.
This is no doubt one of the toughest decisions pastors have to make, but at times, it is also one of the most necessary decisions pastors must make for the overall well-being of their church. Unfortunately, it is not an uncommon occurrence for pastors to have to ask a member of the church to leave.
Disaffiliating pastors and members commonly cite the half-dozen biblical verses that pertain to homosexuality as their reason for leaving. But we in the UMC have for decades routinely ignored biblical teachings about the role of women, adultery, and slavery, among other topics.
But it's best to pursue these non-attenders toward a specific end: removal if they're attending another gospel-preaching church, restoration if they're happy to return, and excommunication if they're either unwilling to attend church anywhere or unable to be found.
Here's what your church resignation letter should include: Appropriate salutation. Statement stating your intent to resign. Date of your intended resignation. Reason(s) behind your resignation. Expression of gratitude. Offer of assistance during transition. Sign off.
The best thing to do is to explain the reasons for leaving so that the church is not hurt or mystified as to why you are leaving. You have been part of a body so it is as if an arm is being wrenched off by leaving. Inevitably some people will feel hurt by you leaving so you need to explain well to them.
Unfortunately, it is not an uncommon occurrence for pastors to have to ask a member of the church to leave. As a matter of fact, it is not uncommon for us to receive questions from pastors pertaining to the removal of church members.
You don't need to share all of your reasons or rationale, but as a matter of love and courtesy, let your pastor know you and your family have chosen to go to another church. Let your pastor know the main reasons you are leaving, but do so with humility, love and grace.
Example 3: A member's name shall be removed from the Membership Roll in case of: (1) the member's death; (2) written request by the member to the Clerk; (3) a period of inactivity over one year, pending review by the Board; or (4) removal by a two-thirds (2/3) vote of the Board for actions that threaten the well-being ...